Forward

Somewhere between real pain and genuine suffering lies a land of make-believe. Our culture calls this hallowed ground “the real world.”  This world is girded by the belief that life is hard and the human race is doomed to eke out a living in a burdensome process called living.

For years, I ran Connection, a spiritual center in Memphis, Tennessee.  Every Sunday morning, I spoke to a group of seekers, rebels when it came to almost everything, including their relationships with God.  They sought to learn of a love that would deliver them from their past negative theological concepts.  They kept me on my toes.  Each week, I banged out a few words on my computer to serve as a guideline for my Sunday presentation.  Late one Saturday night(think we could leave out the word night altogether), I sat down with a blank mind, and put down a few ideas that almost named themselves: “The Connection Vows: Essential Guidelines to Living in Peace, Safety and Power.”

The ideas were not new.  They included forgiveness, setting boundaries and taking care of the body.  The first vow set the tone for the rest: “I will not make life hard.  Life can be easier.”  The Mster said, “My yoke is easy, my burden is light.”  The spiritual path isn’t narrow and hard -- it is smooth and available to all in an instant.  Mastery is gentle.  Give up the need to struggle. (I meant give up struggle in general not just struggling for mastery so I think we can leave out the words for it.)

Six others followed.  When I presented the vows on Sunday morning, everyone was excited about them and wanted a copy.  After that, I focused my talks on ease as an aspect of spirit. 

When the vows appeared in the Connection monthly newsletter, I received a call from my friend, the Reverend Thelma J. Hembroff, asking permission to reprint them in her church newsletter.  Then Reverend Edwine Gaines called, asking for permission to quote the vows in her newsletter.  I was happy to say yes to both of them (Isn’t of them implied so we don’t need it. I had of them originally but edited it out.)  Over the next few weeks, several hundred letters came requesting a copy of the vows.

My excitement grew with each letter.  It appeared I had touched the hearts of many spiritual seekers.  That’s what (let’s leave the word most – some spiritual teachers want to guilt trip and punish) spiritual teachers (prefer the word want instead of strive for)want strive for: to touch and inspire.  I felt blessed to be a part of an unfolding adventure that began late one Saturday evening.

When difficult situations arise in my life, I consult my Higher Power for guidance. One morning, as I did this, I received an immediate insight that not only relieved the conflict, it revealed to me that no conflict existed.  I was astonished at the ease in which the problem dissolved, and thought to myself, “That was easy.”  I heard an inner voice reply, “Well, aren’t you my Easy Disciple?”

The words ran deep. “Easy Disciple -- I’m an Easy Disciple.  Maybe not yet, but I want to be.  That’s exactly what I’ve been writing about, talking about and learning...  Easy Discipleship.”

As months passed, I continued to speak about making life easier.  My motto became “Easier and Easier.”  The Connection monthly newsletter became a platform for the Easy Disciple Philosophy.  Later, the Easy Disciple ideas became the EZosophy philosophy. EZ is pronounced the same as the word easy. Phil Laut, a friend  urged me to use another name for my philosophy. "EZosophy is too difficult to pronounce," he told me. I said that if Maxwell Maltz could coin the word "psychocybernetics," I could coin the word EZosophy. “Osophy” comes from the word Sophia. Sophia is the Goddess of Practical and Spiritual Wisdom.  EZosophy is the art of easy (or at least easier) living. EZosophy asks not that we take the easy way out of our lives, but rather we take the easy way in.  Examine the ego driven areas of your life and re-decide for an easier life.  Full awareness and total participation in life are required of the EZosophist.

Self-help literature, technology and psychology give us tools to create physical and emotional realities that support easy and abundant living. Even so, many intelligent and levelheaded people bear mental and emotional suffering needlessly. Genuine suffering, such as the grief that follows the death of a child, rape, or abuse is an integral part of life. Healing follows in the cycle. Examples of destructive suffering are Ego Driven Suffering, Ego Driven Struggle and Ego Driven Sacrifice (EDS). EDS is a belief system, passed from parent to child, that glorifies suffering, struggle or sacrifice as virtues.

A Hardaholic (HA) is a person stuck in the quicksand of EDS. One of my missions is to expose HAs to the philosophy of EZosophy. An EZosophist deals with life’s real difficulties and allows the universe to support him. An EZosophist doesn’t whine, seek rescue, or complain about life’s daily trivia. The Hardaholic makes life hard and suffers about it. A HA struggles with ego-contrived dramas.  The HA believes that life can never change, has daily hard attacks, and is often a martyr.  This is the person who needlessly sacrifices. The HA recounts the sacrificial acts to family and friends.  Sometimes, the HA is a seemingly well-meaning, but misguided, parent.  I say “seemingly well-meaning” because Ego Driven Suffering can be used as a means of control.  Parents want to control their children’s natural aliveness and enthusiasm.  Parents unintentionally teach their children to suffer. These children become adults who are serious and somber about too many things.

EZosophy offers a new way of life for everyone who has suffered about:

• Taking groceries out of the car
• Weeding the garden
• Paying utility bills – or any bill
• Traffic
• Pumping gas
• Work of any kind
• Packing to go on vacation
• Repair problems
• Purchasing major appliances
• Money
• Driving in rain, sunshine or snow
• Waiting in lines
• Maintaining life

This list is representative of activities that trigger Hardaholism. For the HA, suffering has become an unbecoming habit. HAs don’t take time to appreciate what they have; they complain about what they don’t have, and whine that life is unfair.  HAs are poised to yell the familiar cheer at the first sign of any discomfort, "Why does this always happen to me?" They suffer about all they have to do.

I admit that I am a Hardaholic, and even though I am in recovery from major mental mismanagement, I frequently fall off the wagon.  It seems so natural to focus on problems, and old habits are deeply imbedded; but it is getting easier every day to opt for a saner interpretation of life. No one has to live a life suffering from hard attacks. I am resigning from the American Hard Association.

I came from a lineage of sufferers.  There didn’t have to be anything acutely wrong for my mother to suffer.  She suffered over bills, taxes, yard work and going to the grocery store.  She suffered over any approaching event.  She worried about what she would wear.  She worried about what she would serve guests.

This is not about making my mother wrong; it’s a statement to describe the state-of-the-art suffering practiced in my household.  Mom was a good girl.  She never made waves or rocked the boat.  She pushed down her anger, played at being a housewife, thought men were to be catered to; she eventually went crazy.  Between breakdowns, Mom was able to show love and affection to my sisters and me, to be home when we arrived from school and to provide hot meals.  Mom didn’t know that it was okay to get angry and that it was okay to be afraid.  Her repressed feelings came out sideways.  She suffered over the things that weren’t important, in lieu of dealing with the real issues.

As I watched and listened, I learned to suffer about things that weren’t difficult or important. Real pain was hidden, while  life's trivialities were twisted into riveting problems . My older sisters and I took on the heavy burden of life; as we matured, each of us tried to outdo each other with our tales of woe.  The older we got, the more suffering we encountered, or at least the more we talked about suffering. Our favorite past time was the battling “to-do list” game. The one who had the most to do on her list was the most important person – she who manages the most suffering deserves the most admiration!

For years, I thought my mom invented this way of suffering.  Further inspection showed that my mom wasn’t the only one in my family who suffered about things that didn’t matter.  I had great-aunts, uncles and cousins, all afflicted with EDS.

My father and I were rarely close. We loved each other as much as we could, but my parents divorced when I was two and he remained in the shadows of my life. When my father died, I felt sorrow, but it didn't feel like the right kind of sorrow. It felt as if I was crying for someone I wanted to know instead of someone I knew and would miss.

I spoke a prayer of petition at his death, asking his spirit for help. Years later my father came to me in a dream. On that night I had awakened in emotional pain, unable to sleep. When I eventually faded back to sleep, the dream came to me, we were in a hospital. My father communicated with words and with feelings. "When I died and was crossing into the other realms, I heard your prayer. You prayed that I teach you how to love me. I heard your prayer." I felt my heart instantly filled with a great love. I say great because it felt great. Even though I was asleep, I was conscious, and the love pouring into me was intoxicating. He spoke again: "If you want to get out of the pain, you will have to quit telling your story." "Did you say that if I wanted to get out of the pain, that I would have to quit telling my story?"  "Yes."

What did my father mean? Did he mean not to share my pain with my support system? Did he mean I was a whiner? Suddenly I knew. He meant that I was telling myself a bunch of lies about who I was and what my life was about. I had constructed a world where I would always be wanting, and these inner stories were creating the pain in my outer world.

This dream sequence (prefer it to say a dream sequel since it was a second dream that told me what to do) revealed that it was time to write a new story for myself. I was to focus on a clear vision of what I wanted in my life. The previous day, I had (prefer I spoke with the had out of it. The had would be passive voice so it would go - The previous day, I spoke to a group on synchronicity.  The talk included the idea that we receive symbols in our dreams that provide us with guidance. This coincidence was synchronicity at its finest. The universe had gone to great lengths to instruct me to create a new story and then live it.

Soon after I started writing about Ego Driven Struggle (EDS), the feedback began. People responded to me with calls and letters, amazed at the similarities in our stories, stating: “We must have grown up in the same family.”  My friends and readers talked about the EDS within their families.  I began to see that many people were suffering, struggling and sacrificing over the wrong things.

As you read, you will probably find some aspect of Hardaholism in your own attitude or behavior. It is easy to see this behavior in others. Egos always prefer to look outside rather than inside. No sweat, we all do this. Take this with ease.  Much of the cure is in identifying the dis-ease.  An EZosophist wants to move from dis-ease to ease.  The Hardaholic disease is blatantly displayed on some occasions, while insidiously present at other times.  Consider the following demonstrations of Hardaholism.

Hardaholic Christians, quasi-Christians and used-to-be Christians begin suffering around the beginning of November; they don’t let their shoulders relax until after the last Christmas present is wrapped, Christmas dinner is finished and all the photos have been developed.  They fuss about the commercialism of Christmas, but believe they have to buy presents for everyone.  They spend too much money on useless baubles.  They lose their minds and become whiners.  Christmas becomes a season of dread, rather than one of joy.  Although Jewish people celebrate different holidays, they embrace the same exuberance for seasonal suffering.

Many HAs will practically starve before going to the grocery store or to a restaurant because it is such a hardship to stand up, walk out of the house and drive.  I know because I’ve personally put off going to eat until my blood sugar was so low, I became a grouch.

HAs turn pleasure into drama and simplicity into complication.  As A Course in Miracles states, “simplicity is difficult for twisted minds.”  The Hardaholic mind is the twisted mind.

The EZosophist message is for those who have forgotten that much of our suffering is learned, chosen and culture-specific.  HAs take routine maintenance tasks and turn them into suffering marathons.  If you were raised in the USA, you probably came from a Hardaholic family, too.  There are varying degrees of Hardaholism.  Some ethnic and religious groups have been more professionally trained as HAs than others have, but no one has been left untouched by the HA message.

Our cultural cornerstone is the belief that “Life is Hard.”  This belief is so prevalent that it could be referred to as our national motto.  Another favorite saying is “Life’s a b---- and then you die.” Prisoners to this belief do hard time.  Our convictions make us convicts. The conviction “Life is Hard” has been a powerful organizing principle.  Many American families thrive on hard drama, which includes family members yelling about things that should be discussed in a normal voice.  Hardaholism has become a part of our daily lives.

Perhaps, the attitude that exalted suffering, toil and poverty as virtues started in the long ago. John Randolf Price explains one possible answer. When land ownership came into being, those who lived freely on the land no longer had land rights.  The farmers were forced to turn most of their crops over to those in power.  Life was hard and difficult to survive.  The priests, who were often owned by the aristocracy, taught these marginalized people to bear the unbearable.  The peasants were told that suffering was the will of God and that those who suffered now would receive their rewards in heaven.  Poverty and suffering were almost sanctified to keep the peasants from rebelling against their harsh circumstances.  Suffering, poverty and spirituality became synonymous.

Rianne Eisler's book, Sacred Pleasure, speaks of a time when our rites of passage or periods of spiritual growth were marked with ceremonies of pleasure. When dominator cultures began to rule, rites of pain became the marks of courage for the culture. Wars, competition, and ownership of people needed pain to hold the structure together. The hopelessness and burdens endured by our ancestors became part of our heritage. Most of us don’t live under those physical hardships anymore. We are not starving and struggling to make it one more day, but we are mentally struggling and suffering as if the same conditions of the past still existed.

Today, many families play a hardship game that glorifies their families’ difficulties.  Stories are told at family gatherings, and the children hear these many times during their formative years.  The tales include the one about how far the parent had to walk to school in either 110-degree temperatures or in blizzards.  They usually include a Christmas story about how they received just one apple or just one orange from Santa Claus.  Of course, they were immensely appreciative of this small gift.  The stories are not told as sharing, but to emphasize how hard life was and how easy the children have it today.  The moral of the story: the parents are superior because they have suffered, and an easier life makes the child ungrateful and less virtuous.  Paradoxically, it is frequently these same parents who are working hard and telling their children that they want them to have easier lives.  “I want you to get a good education so that you can have it easier than I did,” is a confusing statement when those who speak it believe that an easy life is dishonorable.  “Having it easy” is looked upon as being lazy. In actuality, ease is an attitude and living an easier life is about accomplishment without ego-contrived, overwhelming struggle.

Part of the snobbery of the HA is his/her attitude toward people who have money.  “She was born with a silver spoon in her mouth,” means that she had it easy, therefore she can’t be counted upon as a real person.  The HA belief relays that real people, who know how it is, have had it hard. Learning from hardship is the only path to wisdom. This belief follows the rule, "No pain, no gain." It is true that we learn from pain, but we can learn through ease.

HAs learned the Pledge of Allegiance to Hardaholism in their family of origin: “I pledge allegiance to suffering and to the martyrdom for which it stands, one family under pressure, with secrets and discounting for all.”

The part of us that learned to make things hard lives on within our minds.  It is time to see that suffering is not all it’s cracked up to be.  It’s time to drop the drama and make some easy changes. The EZosophist takes a fresh approach with the idea of ease.

When I began my self-healing journey, I realized how important it was to raise my self-esteem. I recited affirmations, unraveled my negative past and believed my self-esteem was intact. In subsequent years, when I heard people talk about raising self-esteem, I would discount the conversation thinking, “I’ve already dealt with that issue.”  Years later, as layers of repressed self-dislike appeared, I realized that there was more work to do. I began to listen to others speak about self-esteem issues.  I began to speak about raising self-esteem.  The teachings in this book will help restore self-esteem.  Without it, we often fail to recognize the simple truths.

There is one such simple truth which is frequently overlooked.  It is important to go to the bathroom when one needs to do so.  More people die of ruptured bladders in automobile accidents than from any other cause.  Why?  Because they wouldn’t stop to relieve themselves.  Taking the easy path involves taking care of the body and emotional issues; so that we are free to be the creative spirits that we are meant to be.

The bathroom statistic is from the statistic ethers. I read that ruptured bladders are the leading cause of death in automobile accidents but forgot the source. It may or may not be true, but I can believe that a wreck would at least scare the pee out of me and if I did have a wreck, I’d at least want dry undies!

I have a friend who would brag about how far he could drive without making a stop.  I have heard others brag about similar things.  We are talking about being proud that we torture our bodies in order to appear strong or invincible.  This is why we need EZosophy.  We have been trained to believe that the hard way is honorable.  People are not bolder, braver or stronger because they can hold pee for long periods of time.  They are HAs.

The EZosophy vows are easy to understand.  They are suggestions for self-care.  Consider them simple ways to make your life easier.

EZosophy:
The Art and Wisdom of Easy or At Least Easier Living

Printed Book: $14.95 plus shipping
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Contact Information
Anne Sermons Gillis 234 Morning Song St, Summerville, SC 29485
Phone Number : 713-922-0242